


The Arrangement

by greywash



Series: Fun in the Sun Creative Calisthenics [1]
Category: Agatha Christie's Poirot (TV)
Genre: Home Renovations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 14:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywash/pseuds/greywash
Summary: When Chief Inspector Japp first arrived, with the valise in his hand and the face like that of the basset hound, I thought briefly that it would be possible that we might arrange.





	The Arrangement

**Author's Note:**

> So a few years back, I did a series of short, time-limited fics to prompts to get myself back in the writing zone when I felt kind of blah about all my projects, and now I'm doing it again! [This time I'm doing 10 fics in 10 days](https://greywash.tumblr.com/post/174955208872/so-a-couple-years-back-i-did-this-mini-writing), I was originally going to limit them to 45 minutes but I think I'm going to bump that up to an hour, and I'm starting today with this prompt from [**@oulfis**](https://oulfis.tumblr.com/):
>
>> Fun in the Sun Creative Calisthenics! I have home renovation on the mind. Maybe Jeeves & Wooster or Poirot? (I also have posh Brits on the mind.)
> 
> The M/M flag is for strongly implied [Fred Perry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Perry)/[Bunny Austin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_Austin)(/Arthur Hastings) and, honestly, less strongly implied Poirot/Hastings. **No warnings for this one**. My full warning policy is [in my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywash/profile#warnings), and you are always welcome to [email me](mailto:greywash@gmail.com) with more specific warning-related questions.

When Chief Inspector Japp first arrived, with the valise in his hand and the face like that of the basset hound, I thought briefly that it would be possible that we might arrange. Japp has, upon occasion, availed himself of the second bedroom for one night, perhaps two, when Hastings has been previously voyaging abroad, but when it came to Japp's _motivation actuelle_ for to stay with me, it proved that he had angered the cooker, and by doing so, his wife. 

"She won't even _speak_ to me, Poirot," said Japp, with the quivering of the jowls, "I was only trying to fix the blasted thing in the first place because she'd not wanted to pay for a professional." Mournful. Quite unnecessary. But being in some ways acquainted with Mrs. Emily Japp, though in a manner that is removed, I suspected that it would require somewhat more than one night, perhaps two, for her to become reconciled to the death of her cooker, which had been most modern and installed at some difficulty and expense upon the occasion of a wedding anniversary, two years previous.

"Have you sent her yet the flowers? The solicitous telegram?" I asked, but did not consider the reply to be of sufficient import to bar him from the flat.

The difficulty lay, as I explained to Japp, in that I had called in the builders for this week to renovate the flat's bath-room, after many years of residence grown most _démodé_. "I have been wanting for some time to improve it," I explained, "and to add the conveniences modern, and as I myself was intended to be as the guest of Lord Cowper in Avignon for this fortnight—"

"For heaven's sake, Poirot," said Japp. "You've already got a bath and a toilet, what can you possibly intend to do to it now?"

I did not desire to answer this question: Chief Inspector Japp, though an excellent man in many regards, you see, has no delicacy. Yet I produced for him the magazine, with the pages folded open, from my desk.

"'Yellow and black are combined in this bath-room'," read Japp, "—surely, Poirot, you can't mean to inflict that color scheme—"

"No, no," I explained. "Yet I desire to add—improvements, and the fixture for the shower atop the bath. As it is done there, you see, and also—" I turned for him the page.

"'Pale onyx doré marble with strips of green Swedish marble make this practical bath-room'," read Japp, in tones of greatest loathing. "'Which has a floor of Roman stone'— _Onyx_? _Roman stone_? _Poirot_."

"Well, what is it to you, what stones other men shall place in their bath-rooms!" I retrieved from him my magazine. "It is not _your_ bath-room, it is _my_ bath-room, and besides you have no taste, and murder your wife's cooker, and get thrown out upon the ear, and attempt to stay with me in _August_ , in _London_ , when Hastings is away and I should be in Avignon, but for the recent affair which has so discombobulated Lord Cowper and the family!"

"Yes, that was a bad business," Japp agreed. "Where _is_ Hastings, anyway?"

"Oh, he claims he goes to America for the tennis with two persons called Freddy and Bunny, which I believe to be some sort of jest," I explained, and then sighed, and returned the magazine to the proper place within my desk. "But you cannot stay here for a week, Japp! _I_ cannot stay here for a week! I have no bath! I had arranged to go to the Savoy—"

This was, _naturellement_ , the moment at which the door opened to admit Hastings, valise in hand, who was saying, "The most remarkable thing, Poirot, you'll never guess—oh, hullo, Japp," before his eyes fell upon the suitcase, and his face fell in a most badly judged expression of open dismay.

"It is, the Chief Inspector has murdered their cooker," I explained, to draw Japp's eyes back to my face.

"I did not _murder_ it," he protested, "I was attempting to—"

"Accidental death, then, it is of no importance to me—but Hastings, you were to be in America for several more weeks! The renovations! The Savoy cannot produce another room for you without notice!"

"It's funny you should mention that," he mused. "Because Freddy and Bunny got into the most terrific row on the liner on the way over, over a girl," he said. 

I exchanged with Japp the look most significant. I remain to this day unconvinced of the veracity of the Bunny and the Freddy and the tennis, but it did seem plausible that should they be combined on an ocean liner, they would inevitably have a terrific row about a girl.

"She was an actress of some sort—foreign, blonde, quite good-looking, if you like that sort of thing—not that it matters," Hastings concluded, rather guiltily. "But Freddy rather came up trumps in _that_ set, and then they had a row about Bunny's not qualifying this year, and _then_ they had a row about how ever since spring Freddy's always—well," he corrected, flushing slightly, "the long and the short of it is, we landed in New York and then Bunny turned around straightaway and bought a ticket on the first liner back in the other direction, and Freddy felt rather rotten about the entire thing, to tell the truth, and sent me back with him to make certain he wouldn't chuck himself in."

"And he did not chuck himself in, I conclude?" I asked.

"Well, no," Hastings admitted. "He, er. He met another girl. Which is the point, really—he'd already wired for a room at the Savoy for the week, but instead he's gone to meet her parents. So I don't see why I can't take over for him."

"Ah, _bon_ ," I said, much cheered. "That will do it."

"Wait a minute," protested Japp. "This is all very well for the two of you, but where am I going to sleep?"

"You need not worry, Chief Inspector," I said, and shuffled them both back out into the corridor to retrieve my own valise. "With _two_ rooms at the Savoy, surely somehow, we will arrange."

**Author's Note:**

>  _Real news_ : ["Bathrooms of To-day and To-morrow," _Britannia and Eve_ , Wednesday 1 April 1931](https://www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk/viewer/BL/0001850/19310401/047/0079). Sorry about the paywall.
> 
> _Fake news_ : I have no historical basis for Fred Perry and Bunny Austin being romantically involved (though I equally have no historical basis for them _not_ being romantically involved), or for them having a fight over Marlene Dietrich, but Fred Perry and Bunny Austin were both doubles partners and frequent competitors in Men's Singles tennis at the time, and Perry did date Dietrich, and Bunny Austin did meet his wife (the actress [Phyllis Konstam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phyllis_Konstam)) on a transatlantic ocean liner. This tennis in question would have to be the [1931 U.S. National Championships](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1931_U.S._National_Championships_\(tennis\)), logistically speaking, but literally 100% of what I know about tennis appears in this bite-sized story, so take it all with that particular grain of salt.


End file.
